Mile 365. Off trail, day 1 of 3. The mirror.

Nicolas and Mariam’s nest in Asheville has become an unexpected place of refuge.    This is now my third time to stay in what is now “my room” - a touch stone to help me gain strength after parts I & II of the Great Smokey Mountain FreezeFest - and now - the Acadamy Award-winning VomitFest.  

By now, I am able to help myself to freshly laundered towels, a hot shower and a wide assortment of gourmet teas from all over the world.   I am washed over by a warm wave of humble gratitude.   The Trail teaches me how much I lean on the love of others to get me through.  The security of friends is my plumb line.

Waiting for me is my box.   “The” box.   The The box that contains magic potions and secret sauces to transform “Appalachian Trail Cris” into “New York City Cris”.   I tear it open.

A frenetic frenzy of tugs, scrapes, glops, and yanks - the construction project is complete.    I look at myself in the mirror.   And I gasp.   A different woman stares back at me.   She is sophisticated, confident, a little sassy, and ….. shielded.

Wait.

Shielded?

Is this what I’ve been doing all this time?   Hiding my true self with a mask - a vaneer of vanity, an image, a persona?   My statement necklace, my designer clothes, my make up just so.  

I pause.   And reflect.  

The Trail strips us down to our essence.  Markers of our outside worlds are nothing but extra weight.   No fancy cars, watches, jewelry, excess anything.   They’re just … weight.   No one cares about their intended significance.   They are irrelevant in this Appalachian world.  As a result, the bonds formed in this world run deep, and true, and meaningful.

Isn’t this what we all want?

I promise myself to continue my journey in transparency and vulnerability.  I like this part of myself that is emerging.   Even more, I savor the love and care and connection that greets me in return.